Updated: Nov 19, 2019
I don't know much about CC. I know very little, actually. I know that CC stands for Classical Conversations. I know that it's a homeschool program that teaches a classical-style education. I know it's large. I know that sometimes it's overwhelming for people. I know some of the classes read books that I myself have yet to read. I know it's a program that I've been told I would have done well in.
But, I also know it's so much more than that.
I know that, even though I was never truly a part of Classical Conversations myself, the impact it's had on my life has been tremendous.
Some of you might know this, but my mom actually works for CC. She's AR, which stands for Area Representative, which supports the Support Representatives. She basically the bridge between Corporate CC and the CC communities. So, what I do know about it is mostly what I've observed and what's she told me. I've also met a lot of people involved in CC, and man, they are some of the kindest people I've ever met.
Everything is still kind of blurring together, so I don't remember exactly when this happened. But, after I got home from the hospital, one of my mom's coworkers stopped by to see how I was doing. She also dropped off a love offering she had gathered so while I was recovering our family could just pick up food and not have to worry about my food allergies and getting the whole family fed.
Then, yesterday, I received a beautiful handmade mug-rug, with an absolutely wonderful selection of teas, as well as a heartfelt card.
Many, many times I've received wonderful things from people in the Classical Conversations community, even if it's just a card. Every time I read them, I cry. I am so blessed. The hand of God has touched me through these people.
I have had horrible situations before where I've felt stuck in the mud and was forced to claw my way out on my own. There were other times where I had one or two people who helped me out.
Now, I'm stuck in the mud, and I don't even have to move. Crowds of people I don't even know are climbing knee deep into disgusting sticky mud, all to help me. And I am so thankful for it. I'm so blessed. I am so humbled. I am so blessed. I have never felt more loved in my entire life. Because, this is the first time I truly have not been able to fight and climb and crawl my way out myself. I can't. Not this time.
But, this time I don't have to.
God has shown me so much grace through these wonderful people that I have no idea what to do with it. Their love that they pour into me is astonishing. I can't fathom it, sometimes. Every time I think of how amazed I am, makes me cry. Momma told me that they put me on the prayer chain, throughout the entire organization. My heart is so overwhelmed with all of this love. My heart and soul are overwhelmed with all of the spiritual energy I'm receiving. I can feel the prayer. That sounds so silly, but there's something about being prayed for that really lifts the soul.
Honestly, I have no words.
Well, I have two.
From me, to every single person involved in Classical Conversations, to every single person who has sent me a prayer, to every person who has had me on their mind, to every person who has asked my mother about me, to every person who has brought my family something, to every single person who has visited me, to every. Single. One. Of. You.
Your love and support has shown me God in a way I've never seen Him before. I have never been so vulnerable, and I cannot emphasis more on how blessed I am for the people in my life.
And, it isn't just my life either. I've seen with my own eyes the way that Classical Conversations has helped people. I've seen how it's helped people I love. My brother used to struggle with reading, and I've seen his reading and writing skills improve so much in the time he's been doing Classical Conversations. He's become an entirely new person, and I love the young man that Classical Conversations has helped him grow to be.
I look at my mother, and I see the woman Classical Conversations has helped her become. She's surrounded by women who love the Lord just as much as she does, and I see the growth there. Even if all of these women are coworkers, they are also very good friends, and she loves them dearly. I see my mother surrounded by women who love her and support her, and support me. It's crazy. I've only met a few of the people my mother works with, and yet, and yet-
I am speechless.
I sit in awe. I sit speechless and just stare. Do you know what I see?
I see community. Honest to God community, gifted to my family by Him. And I'm astonished.
It's been such a blessing, such a gift to have everyone supporting us. I can't believe it.
And, if I'm honest, it makes me a little mad I didn't do Classical Conversations and that I can't do it.
But, that's okay. I'm just happy to be in a place where I can just sit and cry and feel safe.
I feel safe. Truly, absolutely, 100% safe. Am I scared? Absolutely 100% terrified.
But. I have faith. I trust everyone surrounding me. I trust God. I'm protected. And, you know what? That lets me be scared without having to think of ways to hide it, or protect myself. I'm safe enough that I can be vulnerable enough to be scared. And, that's something I just don't do. I don't like to be scared. My therapist gets onto me for this, but I stuff it. I stuff it all the way down, as far as I can. Because I don't do scared.
Now, I can be scared. And I feel safe being scared.
You will never know just how much it means to me that I can do that. That I can rest easy, knowing I'm surrounded by people who love me. I have never felt God's love more richly in my life. I am the wealthiest woman in the world, because God's love is surrounding me like the most comfortable blanket, and even in my fear, all I feel is peace.
Written On: Saturday, November 16th, 2019 at 8:30pm.
One Thing I'm Grateful For: Aside from everything in the blog above, I'm grateful for my little brother. He's amazing.
Song of the Day: I Have This Hope by Tenth Avenue North
Current Read: Well, it's a reread. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Don't judge me!