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Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
I know my last post was really deep, raw, and kind of difficult, so I'm going to use today's blog to be more positive. I've actually been wanting to type this one up for over a week now, but I thought it might be better if to were to wait a bit. I don't want to do a typical and cheesy, "oh, I'm so thankful for..."
But, I mean, I'm totally doing that.
First, I wanted to give a nice, big, warm thank you! to everyone who's been sending me suggestions, prayers, thoughts, and song recommendations. I've been having a lot of messages from family and friends, and they're incredibly appreciated. And, for a minor health update: I meet my surgeon on December 5th, so we're going to schedule the surgery with him for the following week (most likely).
Second, I wanted to share a few of the lines from a song by Lauren Daigle. It's called Look Up Child. It's only the verses and the bridge though.
Where are You now
When darkness seems to win?
Where are You now
When the world is crumbling?
...
Where are You now (where are You?) When all I feel is doubt? Oh, where are You now When I can't figure it out?
...
You're not threatened by the war You're not shaken by the storm I know You're in control Even in our suffering Even when it can't be seen I know You're in control
I have a new found love for this song. My mom said I should listen to it, so I did. When I heard it, I melted under God's hands. I was truly blessed with love and tenderness this week.
And without further ado, I'm going to make you a list of a few things that God has given me this year.
1) God gave me cancer.
I realize how cynical that sounds, but to be honest, that isn't how I mean it at all. As hard as it is, I'm incredibly grateful that I ended up having cancer. I have honestly never felt more humble, nor more loved in my entire life. I feel completely supported from all sides, and even on my unsteady days, it's incredibly easy for me to know how loved I really am.
And, I'm able to look back and see how this tumor has changed my life. It does make me cry a little bit. Growing up, I lost a lot of friendships and was always called crazy because I had major emotional outbursts and was unable to control my emotions. Come to find out, it was all because of this hormone producing tumor. It actually helps me feel better about who I am as a person.
2) God gave me passion.
God has given me such a strong passion and heart for so many different things that it brings warmth to my life. My heart is so full of loves and desires and goals that it's crazy. I have my deep love and passion for writing. I have a novel that is almost complete. I have a burning desire to help others and to live the best life that I can.
I have a passion for people, and to get to know them and learn their heart. I love, love, love my friends and family. I love everyone in my life and I wish I could spend more time with each and every one of you who reads this. I wish I could spend time with you and get to know your heart and who you truly are.
3) God gave me my dogs.
Okay, this one is a bit silly. But, seriously. I love my dogs. We have a supposed German Shepherd/Lab mix. But, that doesn't seem right. Her name is Midori. We're convinced she's part Corgi because she's a major diva.
And then, there's Luna. She's 100% brat. She's some form of German Shepherd mix, but she stayed really little. She's super hyperactive and playful. 100% puppy.
I love my doggies so much. <3
4) God gave me my family.
My sister comes back into town tonight, and I'm so excited to see her. I get to see my soon-to-be brother-in-law Greg too. I'm so grateful for my mom, as many of you have seen before. I'm so blessed to have my dad, who is so amazing and who provides for me and sits up with me at night when I can't sleep. I'm so grateful for for my brother, Joshua, for all of the teasing and fun he gives -- especially right now, when I need it the most.
I'm so thankful for the woman who is basically my second mom, Gina Burrage. I've honestly started to tell everyone that she's my aunt. I mean, I've known her since I was a little girl. And I've known her kiddos just as long. She's come with Mom and I to our oncology appointments as an additional set of ears. She's asks good questions, and takes good notes. She's been such a blessing in my live. <3
5) God gave me my singleness.
I honestly wouldn't be the young woman I am today if I hadn't spent the past several years of my life as a single lady. I've learned more about myself and have become a better person because I haven't had my focus on a romantic relationship. Being single sucks sometimes, and it can be really lonely, but more often than not now, I find that I appreciate my singleness more than I hate it. As nice as it would to have a boyfriend to hug or hold hands with, I'm relieved that I don't have another relationship to focus on. Instead, I get to focus on my faith, my family, and my friends.
So, what are some things that God has given you this year?
(ALSO! Quick thank you to Erica at Misty Cabin Photography for doing a photoshoot with me! https://www.facebook.com/mistycabinphotography/ This photo is one of my favorites!)
Written: Tuesday, November 26th, 2019 at 9:40pm
My Current Obsession: Doing my makeup! I've really gotten into it lately.
My Current Binge-Worthy Show: The Good Place, but I'm current now. So, I've been watching Disney+ stuff.
Song of the Day: Look Up Child by Lauren Daigle or Your Hands by JJ Heller