So, some health-related stuff has been going on, but I'm not going to share it right now for a few reasons: 1) I honestly just don't want to deal with it right now, and 2) I don't really know enough to share right now. We do find out when my surgery is tonight, so I'll let everyone know either tonight or tomorrow, but for now, let's talk about my hair.
As most of you have probably already seen, I dyed my hair pink. Coincidentally, it matches my car. That was totally not my intention, but it was a pleasant surprise.
Tuesday, I had the absolute pleasure of spending my time with Payton over Salons at Campbell Crossing for a few hours. It was so much fun. We got to hang out and get to know each other a bit, and then, oh my gosh. This thing happened.
So, after we finished up and Payton had curled my hair, we went over to the shampoo stations where her mother was with a client. They'd wanted to see my hair -- I was kind of a mini-celebrity in there. Everyone was excited about the girl who'd come to dye her hair pink. Apparently, Mrs. Reynolds' (Payton's mother) client had had experiences with cancer in her family as well -- I can't quite remember if she said she was a cancer patient at some point or not though. (Wow, that was a really confusing sentence, grammatically) So, they asked how they could pray for me specifically. I told them about my upcoming surgery, and then, they prayed over me.
Y'all, I just about lost it. I'm getting teared up just thinking about it. I thought I was going to have a breakdown in the middle of the salon.
Then, I really almost lost it. Payton and I walked back over to her station, and I made to pull out my wallet to pay, but she stopped me. Payton told me that someone had heard I was coming to see her and paid for it already.
It took me a minute to process what she said. I froze. It was like I had slammed on the brakes in my car.
I remember saying, "Wait. What?"
And she repeated herself, waiting patiently for me to process it.
I don't even have the words to describe the emotions that went through me, the ones that are going through me right now.
I know my last blog was all about thankfulness, but this one is about something so much deeper than that. Down to my very core, I feel completely and utterly loved. That is one of the few constants that I have in my life. My chest aches with the amount of emotion I feel in my soul. I have never in my life felt more loved. With each passing day, with each breath that feels harder and harder to take because I just can't think straight, I never once doubt how loved I am. I never doubt that I have people in my life to support me.
Sometimes, it's hard for me to ask for help. And, sometimes it's hard for me to even get out of bed. But, every time that I begin to think that this is too much, every time that my faith starts to shake, God takes a blanket and wraps it around me. He guides me to sit and then pats my head before handing me a cup of coffee, and saying in the gentlest, softest voice, "Look at what I gave you."
Then, He kneels in front of me, and wraps His large hands over mine where they hold the warm mug. Then, He says again, "Look at what I gave you. Look around and see all of these people who love you. Look at how much I love you. You have this blanket, you have this mug, you have them, and most importantly, you have Me."
And, any time I begin to get up from that metaphorical couch, any time that I blunder through the house like a child with the flu, any time that I start to cry because I can't find Him, He does the same thing. Patiently, and calmly, He wraps me in the blanket, carries me back to that couch, and hands me another cup of coffee. Every time, He says variants of the same thing. "Look at what I gave you."
How lucky am I? How lucky am I to have such a patient Father? To have God that loves me for everything I am, including the times I'm sick and hurting? How lucky am I to have a God that is so gentle with me, and is continuously showing me the blessings in my life?
There's no words to describe it, but there are words to react to it.
Thank you, to the anonymous person who paid for my hair. Thank you to Payton, for being the wonderful woman of God that I was fortunate enough to spend the day with. Thank you to everyone who reads these blogs. Thank you to everyone who shares these blogs. Thank you to my family and my friends. Thank you to every single person who has supported me this far.
And, I think the most important thank you of all goes to God. I wouldn't be the woman I am today with Him and everything He has done for me. I am so blessed and overwhelmed by the unconditional love of God that only spreads with the love of others. Through the good and the bad, I know that God has my back. I know that everything that happens never surprises Him. And while, that can be frustrating, I can find peace in knowing that when I am completely caught off-guard and shaken, God never is.
Thank you to Mrs. Travis for the wonderful photos you took! Like the one above, there are many more to be shared.
Written: December 5th, 2019
One Thing God Has Given Me: The wonderful people around me, and two wonderful Corefa's who deal with all of our craziness on a regular basis.
Song of the Day: Dance Monkey by Tones and I
Current Read: Pray Big Things by Julia Jeffress Sadler