Now, as many of you know from my rambles and me telling you so, I am a supreme fan of Gilmore Girls and since I've been home from the hospital, I've binge-watched the entire series for the umpteenth billion time. I even cried when I found out Edward Herrmann (played Richard Gilmore) had passed away.
As I finished the final episode of Gilmore Girls this morning (and if you haven't seen Gilmore Girls, there is some spoilers ahead. You have been warned), I was sitting with a blank document open in front of me. In the last episode, Stars Hollow throws a surprise party for college graduate, Rory Gilmore. Lorelai, her mother, spots her parents and goes over to see them. If you know anything about the show, you know a major plot point of the show is that Lorelai doesn't have the best relationship with her parents. At this party, which is a mess of a thing (thrown overnight and with a hand-sewn tarp to keep the rain off everyone) and it was such a sweet, tender way to help draw the series to a close.
Anyway, Lorelai has this conversation with her parents, and Richard Gilmore looks at Lorelai and says, "It takes a remarkable person to inspire all of this."
When he said this, I started to cry.
It just got me thinking and contemplating.
After my traumatic hospital visit where I had two surgeries and almost lost my life (and for all intents and purposes, medically, I should not be alive), my self-esteem took quite the blow.
So, hearing this quote made me start to cry. It was so upsetting to me -- but I guess you could say it was upsetting in a good way.
It brought me pause. Made me sit for just a minute. And it made me realize, thinking back about all of the people who were at the hospital with me during the worst of it, those who prayed for me at 3 o'clock in the morning, those who were there for my family, those who brought my family food, those who came to see me in the ICU, those who gave me flowers and gifts, those who showered me with prayers...
"It takes a remarkable person to inspire all of this."
It just brings me pause.
I cry when I read that phrase, even sitting here typing out this blog post. Thank you to everyone who did those wonderful things above, and thank you to the writers of Gilmore Girls for giving me this wonderful gift.
My self-esteem and self-confidence aren't where they should be or normally are, but they're just a little bit better. I'm so touched and my heart is so warm and well-loved. I'm exhausted emotionally and physically, but hearing that quote and typing it out, brings me a little rest. Not a lot, but just enough to get by for today.
I just have to keep praying that with each new day, I get just a little more rest, and a little more rest, and a little more rest. Until, before I know it, my heart is full and I'm completely rested.
And while I'm trying to juggle what happened, my recovery, my self-esteem, and my plans for the future, I just simply pray that God takes me the way he wants me to go. I'm waiting. I think I have a plan for the future, but I don't want to worry about it too much.
I am really excited though, because I just got a new devotional called fast talk & faith: a 22-day devotional inspired by Gilmore Girls by Mary Carver and I can't wait to start it. I'm also doing a Priscilla Shirer devotional book, and I'm reading The Trials of Apollo: The Hidden Oracle. I'm so excited to finally get back to doing the things I love. I think in the mess of my busy life, I lost track of who I was and what I loved.
I know part of this whole crazy Christmas Miracle is God telling me I need to slow down, and I think He's been telling me that for a while, and I think that I thought I was listening and obeying, but I wasn't. I wasn't slowing down -- at least, not really. Now, I really feel as though I have no choice but to slow down. A dear friend picked me up and took me to lunch today and then brought me home, and I'm exhausted from just that. So, I really feel like I'm forced to take a step back, take a deep breath, and move one baby step at a time.
Emphasis on baby step.
I find a new perspective on things now. I have a new love for my dogs, my super comfortable couch, the characters of Gilmore Girls, and the kindness of my friends. But again, everything moves significantly slower, which is odd because of how fast life moves around me. It's almost as though I'm in my own little bubble of slowness.
Things may be slow, but like a river, life keeps moving. I can't turn my faucet of life all the way on, but I'm that really irritating drip-drip-drop leak from the faucet, that is so slow, but so annoying that it causes you to totally lose your mind. That is me, except hopefully, less irritating.
Anyways, that totally wasn't the point of this blog. The point of this blog was to really just say thank you to everyone who has been in my life to take care of me. And trust me, I've been needing to be taken care of. On one hand, it's been really refreshing to let myself be vulnerable and let myself fall into the arms of the people in the community around me. Especially those from the Classical Conversations communities. I've said it once, and I'll say it again: the people from the Classical Conversations communities are some of the most amazing people I've ever met. I would not be where I am today without them.
And thank you to everyone who has prayed for me. I just feel so blessed by you all and it's such a moving thing to see. As I mentioned before, God answers the prayers of His people. It is not only because of God, because of every single one of you that I am alive today. I should not be here right now, and in fact, I remember being in the transitional phase where my body was preparing my mind for death. I knew I was dying, and that's the most bizarre feeling. It's because of the surplus of people who prayed for me, and by the grace of God, that I'm here today. Every single day is something completely new, and I can't imagine wasting this time I've been given. I am so thankful and blessed for having a God who cares about my health and my mental health.
Again, thank you all for everything you have done for me. And above all else, I thank God for every breath that I breathe. I still have a lot to process, and a lot of healing to do, but I can rest easy knowing that I'm safe in the arms of a loving God who wants nothing but the very best for me.
I'm safe in the arms of a God who calls me remarkable.
And for me, that's enough.
"It takes a remarkable person to inspire all of this." -Richard Gilmore, Gilmore Girls
Written: January 8th, 2020 -- Finished at 5:07pm
Current Read: The Hidden Oracle by Rick Riordan
Current Binge: Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life