I don't have the words to explain the kind of night I had tonight, so I'm not going to try. I'm going to let God guide my fingers and thoughts as I type this.
I went back to church last week, for the first time in an incredibly long time, and I didn't love it. I was up and grumbling this week when I was supposed to go, but I went anyway, even though I was in a bad mood about it.
I had gone up to the information desk and asked about a different young adults class, when I heard someone call my name. I spun around to see an old friend, who I hadn't seen in over two years. We talked a little bit. She told me I'd been on her heart lately, and that she'd actually been planning on messaging me about coming to church with her, and she told me about how she'd been reading my blog, and that she listened to the podcast I guest starred on. I was so moved by her words that my eyes filled with tears. I was honest with her and told her how discouraged I'd been about my blog, and how much it helps to hear someone say, "I read your blog, and I relate so much to the things you were saying." It hit me really hard. In fact, my eyes are watering just thinking about it.
I did end up going to service with her (instead of Sunday school), and then to the young adults group tonight.
Wow. Just. Oof.
I'm riding the spiritual high still. Everything about today has gone above and beyond my expectations. God really kicked me in the rear today. He told me to show up. And I finally did, and He blessed me for it. It was almost like He was saying, "This is what I've been waiting for you to do! Natalie! I missed you. You've been wanting to know why your life doesn't feel like it's moving – this is why! You're missing Me!"
And I feel so called out, in the best way. After service tonight, they announced that they're doing leadership classes and want more people for their team.
I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me and say, "You've been looking for a leap of faith, you've been looking for a breakthrough, this is it."
So, I went to my friend and said, "Hey. I want to do that."
She introduced me to someone, and we talked for over an hour after service ended. The leader and I got along really well. He asked me about my testimony, and I told him everything. He was floored. And I smiled. I said, "I want to learn the best ways to share everything God has done for me. He's done so much, and it's finally time for me to pay it back. I just need a little help getting there."
I'm so excited to start those leadership classes in a month. I don't have the words for how excited I am.
I think God did a really good thing tonight.
For the first time ever, I talked about my dreams with strangers. I didn't think that's something I would ever do. But it is.
I was so discouraged about my writing, about this blog, about possibly starting a podcast, but God is telling me to keep going. Keep building the temple. And don't despise the small steps.
Every step counts. Even if it doesn't feel like it.
Every single one.
Hope has been the message at church lately, and for the first time in a very, very long time, I feel hopeful again.
I know I'm getting better because I'm singing along to the radio again.
I didn't ever realized I'd stopped.
So, to every single one of you reading: There is hope.
Just take a deep breath. Look down at your feet. Where are you? Are you sitting in your bed with super fuzzy socks on? In the middle of a grocery store, waiting in line to check out? At work in a pair of uncomfortable shoes?
Where are you physically?
Okay, cool. So, why are you stressing so much about where you'll be tomorrow? Are you there right now? No? Then that's not today's problem.
Just take things one day at a time. If that's too much, one choice at a time.
I had a long period, a long period, where all I could manage without getting overwhelmed was one choice at a time.
Don't despise the days where you feel like you accomplish nothing, or you accomplish little.
Those days matter too.
So, take a deep breath.
I'm on your side. And it doesn't matter if you're religious or not, God is on your side too.
I'm your own little personal cheerleader. You've got this!
If you need someone to talk to, I am here. There's a "Get in Touch" button for a reason! You can also private message me on any of my social media accounts. Even if you just want someone to geek out with you about Wandavision, I'm your girl.
One day at a time, friends.
And if you need me, I'm here.
Current Watch: Wandavision
Current Read: Finale by Stephanie Garber
Current Listen: Dynamite by BTS